Rihanna, One Direction Big Winners At 2012 MTV VMA’s, MIA, Chris Brown Snag Multiple Moonmen!

Suck My Cockiness, Lick My Persuasion..

Oh my!

Thus sang Rihanna, while opening the 2012 MTV Video Music Awards at the Staples Centre in Los Angeles with a slay-worthy medley of ‘Cockiness (Love It)‘ featuring A$AP Rocky and her # 1 anthem ‘We Found Love‘. The result? Girl found some MAYJAH love at the not-so-hopeless MTV VMA’s, winning THE most coveted award of the night – the 2012 MTV VMA for Video Of The Year for ‘We Found Love‘! Looking objectively flaw-free in a new short hairdo, Mizz Fenty had the night of her life, while also sharing a warm hug and a peck with her clown of an ex-boyfriend Chris Brown – the first time she’s publicly reconciled with her face-bashing ex – who, in the meantime, gloated his way up on stage to receive the award for the Best Male Video for ‘Turn Up The Music‘. I really can’t with the double standards here, showering a woman-bashing, tantrum-throwing fugly maniac with accolades. Firstly the Grammy’s, and now the VMA’s. And these are the very award shows that chastised Janet Jackson like there was no tomorrow for accidentally exposing a boob? Bravo! That’s precisely the message y’all should be sending to the kids – domestic violence FTW! Chris Brown for president maybe?

In other VMA news, Pop upstarts and the flavors of the moment One Direction won 3 awards including Best Pop Video, Best New Artist and Most Share-Worthy Video for their mush-overdose ‘What Makes You Beautiful‘. The British boy-band performed their new single ‘One Thing‘ to screaming hormonal pre-teens and teens, solidifying every possibility that the world WILL end in 2012. I honestly can’t wait for one of the band members to quit after the release of their second album, with high chances of at least two of them coming out as gay, and the band officially calling it quits before they turn legal. I have hope.

The stellar highlight of the evening? Justin Bieber won an unprecedented nothing. OMG? Irrespective of his relentless Twitter campaigning begging, pleading, commanding his loyal ‘Beliebers’ to vote for him at the VMA’s? There IS a God after all. The other surprise? MIA’s flawless ‘Bad Girls‘ – arguably one of the best videos of the year – took home two trophies, for Best Director and Best Cinematography. The one-off occasion of a justified win or two – which seems to have become an increasingly rare event at the show.

Serial face-maker and potty-mouth extraordinaire Nicki Minaj surprised and slayed with her win for the Best Female Video for ‘Starships‘, marking the first win by a female Rapper for this category in over a decade. The last time a female act won the honor was in 2001, when Eve’s ‘Let Me Blow Ya Mind‘ featuring Gwen Stefani took home the Moonman.

Last year’s big winner Katy Perry took home another honor this year for her smash ‘Wide Awake‘, which won the VMA for the Best Direction. That aside, Perry kissed a few members of One Direction (they all look the same to me) while handing them the award for Best Pop Video, while the boys looked like they were either about to pass out of an insane orgasm, or they probably had something wicked to eat before the show and had not been allowed to use the loo. Beyoncé, who’s pregnancy announcement single-handedly upstaged EVERYTHING at last year’s VMA’s took home the award for Best Editing for her video ‘Countdown‘.

Other winners of the night included Drake, Demi Lovato, Skrillex, Calvin Harris and Coldplay, while Pink, Alicia Keys and Frank Ocean gave some of the night’s most memorable live performances. I mean when was the last time Pink under-performed y’all? She brought the house down with a medley of her classic ‘Get This Party Started‘ and her current smash and latest top 10 hit, ‘Blow Me (One Last Kiss)‘.

R’n’B crooner Frank Ocean literally had the audience spellbound with a powerful introspective performance of ‘Thinkin’ ‘Bout You‘. If I were you, I wouldn’t be sleeping on this guy. Give his début album ‘Channel Orange‘ a try, and you’ll get an idea.

The mighty Alicia Keys unveiled her brand new single ‘Girl On Fire‘ with a little help from Nicki Minaj and Olympic Gold medalist gymnast Gabby Douglas live on the VMA stage, of course with the audience commencing mass hysteria.

The show concluded with Taylor Swift performing her current smash ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together‘ with her band members dressed in furry animal outfits, essentially re-creating the video on-stage, and then promptly jumping off stage and crowd surfing through the audience. Clearly, the infamous Kanye West incident has been forgotten, and thankfully West did not show up at this year’s VMA’s.

Awkward moment? Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner, one of her ex’s, sorta reunited during the VMA’s while posing rather comfortably for pics. So I’m guessing ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together‘ isn’t about him? And if it is, the poor schmuck must have literally pee’d in his pants watching his ex totally own the stage with a song that essentially slaughters him.

Here’s the complete list of winners at the 2012 MTV VMA’s -

Video of the Year

Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris — “We Found Love”

Best Male Video

Chris Brown — “Turn Up the Music”

Best Female Video

Nicki Minaj — “Starships”

Best New Artist

One Direction — “What Makes You Beautiful”

Best Pop Video

One Direction — “What Makes You Beautiful”

Best Rock Video

Coldplay — “Paradise”

Best Hip-Hop Video

Drake feat. Lil Wayne — “HYFR”

Best Electronic Dance Video

Calvin Harris — “Feel So Close”

Best Video With a Message

Demi Lovato — “Skyscraper”

Most Share-Worthy Video

One Direction — “What Makes You Beautiful”

Best Director

M.I.A. — “Bad Girls”

Best Choreography

Chris Brown — “Turn Up the Music”

Best Visual Effects

Skrillex — “First of the Year (Equinox)”

Best Art Direction

Katy Perry — “Wide Awake”

Best Cinematography

M.I.A. — “Bad Girls”

Best Editing

Beyonce — “Countdown”

 

Photos from Billboard.com, Getty images, MTV.com