LITERALLY NO ONE IS SAFE. BEGIN HYPER-VENTILATING NOW. MASS HYSTERIA COMMENCES.
The impossibly flaw-free Queen of the Whistle Register, mother of Dem Babies, the record holder for precisely 345,178,000 Billboard # 1 Singles (with approximately double that number of records sold) and overall legend supreme Mizz Mariah Carey has FINALLY announced the title of her feverishly anticipated new single which has been in the works for a while now. And Mariah’s new single is titled –
‘Triumphant (Get ‘Em)’ feat. Rick Ross and Meek Mill
The diva made this life-altering announcement via Twitter, tweeting her forever loyal family of lambs aka Lambily –
”So I can finally announce to you that my new single is coming out early August! It’s called TRIUMPHANT (Get ‘Em) ft. Rick Ross & Meek Mill.
I wrote TRIUMPHANT when I was going through a difficult time & it helped me get through it. When u hear it, pay attention 2 the lyrics
Inside sources from Zomgtalk have just found out that a number of Divas and today’s Pop Stars have not taken too kindly to the news.
Adele was heard lamenting with a Grammy in each hand, ‘That’s the very reason why I got pregnant. I knew she was releasing. I just CANNOT with her, bitch made me‘.
Meanwhile Lady Gaga has announced an indefinite extension of her ‘I’m A Motorcycle Monster With Balls‘ Tour, thus putting an end to any chance of her recording a new album at least till 2067. She was heard incoherently chanting in Swahili after her show in Bhutan, after news of Mariah’s new single reached her ear-condom covered ears, while voraciously drinking the blood of a freshly slaughtered Brazilian door-mouse.
Zomgtalk fan and resident Lamb extraordinaire Varun has just reported that this news has affected Rihanna the most – as she was the one tipped to steal Mariah’s crown as the Queen of the Billboard Charts . Apparently Rihanna has locked herself up in a room with Chris Brown, and she’s singing her entire discography a cappella to him, waiting for him to get irritated and to punch her again and again, until she dies.
Christina Aguilera on the other hand was photographed running out of the music store with a huge stack of unsold ‘Bionic‘ albums in a hopeless bid to reach # 1 again. On being interrogated she cackled with a pout – ‘I made music‘.
That’s right bitches.
GET READY TO BE SLAYED.